For too long, things have been escalating. And I'm not just talking my declining health. My journey with grief, especially concerning the four more personal losses I have experienced in the past year complicates things. There is also some grief that comes into this whole situation with my health. It's going to take some time for me to accept this "new normal" I am going to have to adjust to. See, I've suspected for a long time that something was not right with my body. I've been experiencing some pretty significant declines lately, especially in the past year. The seizures have made this situation all the more serious.
With that being said, there's something about a good rainstorm that helps renew my spirits. Today we finally had a wonderful, beautiful, cleansing rainstorm today here in MN. I woke up to the sound of thunder and I had a feeling of comfort that I haven't experienced in a long time. Being in pain all of the time does take its toll on a person, but when I woke up this morning in my comfortable bed listening to the sound of thunder, I suddenly didn't want to get up. I actually wanted to go back to sleep, as it was 7 o'clock in the morning, but I had a class at 9 AM and plans to have breakfast with my friend Leslie and 8. A part of me wanted to pause the world and cherish that one moment. A peaceful moment, which I haven't had since I can't remember when. I've been so caught up with stress, illness, pain, fatigue, advocating for myself, and many other issues that I had forgotten the peace and comfort a simple thunderstorm can bring. Last night I prayed to God that he would help me through all of this. I'm not one to think God doesn't answer our prayers, and today when I thought about things, I realized that in a way, God was trying to comfort me. I don't normally feel comforted by many things. Yet God knows that thunderstorms are one of my favorite things, that they bring me peace, comfort, and tranquility. He knew that I needed a moment like this morning. It only lasted for a short time, but I have to be thankful for those moments. Though they just don't seem to last long enough, they can help a person when they feel like the world is against them and no one understands.
I'm struggling with many aspects of life. For the past three years, likely more than that, the Rosary has been one of the most important prayers in my life. Papa taught me the Rosary, along with his parents, my adopted Grandparents. Together, we prayed the Rosary almost every day in Papa's room for months. Praying together was a gift, I've come to realize. They soon gave me a Rosary of my own, which has lost a link on it, but still holds a great deal of significance to me. I will never, ever, part with that Rosary. Grandma and Grandpa and Papa gave me this Rosary, and I will never forget that special and meaningful gift. The prayer itself has shown to be very powerful and meaningful to me as well. At the time when I was learning it, I didn't realize the significance the prayer would play in my life, and how much the physical object of the Rosary would mean to me.
I plan to ask for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and St. Jude Thaddeus where many of the issues in my life are concerned. I know I need to be more vigilant about prayer, and hopefully get back to praying the Rosary every day. What's important is to remember what helps me in times like these. I need to "keep on keeping on" and "hang in there" until my neurology appointment is here.
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