Not knowing

I think what bothers me most about my life is not knowing. Not knowing whether or not medications will do their job to keep me stable, prevent seizures, control my pain, etc. It is agonizing. Not to mention how difficult it is to have such uncertainty about the future. Of course, no one truly knows what the future holds. However, I am doing my best to deal with all of the challenges that life presents me, that both of my diseases will present me. It is impossible for me to imagine life without these conditions.

I saw Dr. G this morning after the nurse called me to tell me that he wanted to make an appointment. My heart rate on Monday was 112 in the morning and 120 in the afternoon. That is pretty much tachycardia. I don't really know how things are going to go if I do not get beta blockers to control it. I was on Propranolol, but I believe Dr. G would like me to try a different one that is less harsh.

I don't know exactly how I feel about anything. I saw Dr. L on Monday and he wanted to refer me to an Interstitial Cystitis expert at Mayo but they informed me that they don't see people with IC. Crazy, because Mayo is supposed be the world's best clinic. Sigh.

Just the way things seem to work for me. Ugh