Specifically...what certain people can't understand if they don't have Mito.
I loathe hearing the following:
"Are you deaf?!"
"Why do you always leave everything to the last minute?!"
"Why can't you run anymore?"
"Where does it hurt?"
"Have you tried antidepressants?"
"You're just lazy!"
"I don't know what's wrong with you."
"You need to learn to accept your life for what it is. Don't focus or dwell on the negative."
"Are you absolutely sure you're having seizures?"
"It's all in your head."
There are several other statements that could fall under this particular category. For scrolling ease's sake, I chose to condense the list slightly.
This entire idea stemmed from a conversation/conflict I had with my nineteen year old perfectly healthy younger sister. Let me just begin first by saying that I dearly love my sister. The problem with our relationship is that she lives a very different reality from mine for many reasons. Mito is just one thing that separates our realities.
For those of you who may not know, Mito has likely affected my hearing. I am nearly deaf in my right ear so when someone rides in my car and talks to me I can not hear them very well at all. She decided to show me the easiest way to get to the college from an entirely different part of my former "home" town. My sister proceeds to attempt to give me directions by almost mumbling where I need to turn and what lane I need to be in. I could barely hear her. I was scared because I did not know where I was going and I couldn't understand what she was saying. She then yelled at me to the point where I was to flustered to even do what I needed to do. Even with my hearing loss I am incredibly sensitive to loud noises. I can't even go to concerts because of the loud noises. It basically makes me freeze. That's exactly what happened today.
She continued to say many things which greatly insulted me. One of which was, "you need to learn how to drive!" I flipped out on her. I'm not going to lie. I used words that I never should have. However, I am human and as such I say things I don't mean, things I shouldn't. Things no older sister should ever say to their younger sister. I'm supposed to be her role model. I can't do that if she is so insensitive. I don't try to be blunt most of the time for fear of offending people. However, in some instances I can't help it. Especially when people get mad at me or upset because of the things that are caused by Mito. It has broken me in many ways.
My symptoms of Mito encompasses almost all parts of my body. That includes my brain, and I have a very strong feeling that there is a lot more going on disease-wise than what the doctors can see on their scans. I am so tired of people being so insensitive just because they can't see the effects of my disease with their eyes. If they only knew the battle I fight each and every day.
I am fairly certain that my disease will probably kill me. There is a part of me that has accepted that. At least, as much as a person can. But I don't want to spend my life trying to convince people in my life that there is indeed something wrong with me. I'm still waiting on a "completely official" diagnosis. So I don't have my time to waste on people who refuse to see what is right in front of them.
I don't want to focus on the negative. I need to fight this with everything I've got. And I can't do that if I'm focused on things that are not worth my time.
That being said, please don't think that this is easy for me. None of this is easy. I don't want to have to do this. But, the point is, I do have to! So that's it. There's not much more to say, I guess.
The problem is, my head is spinning. So many thoughts and no way to sort through them.
Geepers, no wonder I need a shrink to help me sort through this! Just one of the many specialists. I think at some point with chronic and serious illness a person needs someone to help with the emotions. Having a complicated family life doesn't help either.
I really am a mess.
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