Always a fight

You know it seems to me that there is simply always a fight. I am trying to fight for some quality for my life, some peace. I have very little of either one. There is a part of me that understands that with two chronic and incurable conditions, that is how life is going to be.

I think about the future. I want so much for my future.

I want to be a mother.

I want to be a nurse. 

I want to do so much.

To be honest, if my life were to end now, I'm not sure if I would be OK with that. Clearly, I would have to be. But if today were my last day, there would be so much I would want to grieve because there are things that I want to do. For some reason, I can't let go of those dreams. Not yet. I refuse to give up right now.

There are so many thoughts running through my head I can scarcely catch my breath. 

I am going to have an appointment with an Interstitial Cystitis specialist at Mayo in late July. Dr. L doesn't really know what more he can do for me. 

I suppose people are thinking that IC would be my main concern. But it's Mito that seems to be more pressing. At least to me. That is what is more likely to take my life. At times it just seems as though I can't get ahead in life. I am so exhausted at times I just can't think. But yet there are many thoughts going through my head, perhaps I simply can't process them.

None of what I'm saying is making any sense anymore.

I might as well just quit while I'm ahead.