Again, I feel an energy crisis is imminent. I don't know if it's all because of the fact that I am once again incredibly nervous, anxious, and concerned about my appointment with the neurologist. I need them to figure out what is going on with me. The seizure activity is what has me most concerned. Something tells me I haven't seen the last of the seizure monster. It's not like I want to become a self-fulfilling prophecy or anything. But I know for a fact that I've had at least two legitimate seizures. Even Mom Mary said she's 99% sure the episode I had on July 5 was a seizure. Something in me knew that it was seizure activity. I just didn't want to admit it to myself. This whole situation, having Mitochondrial disease, having had seizures, etc. is completely overwhelming to me. I do everything I can to not let this disease get to me, nor its progression, but it still doesn't fail to affect me. No matter what I do, I can't forget the fact that I have Mito, for even a moment. I'm doing everything I can, well I suppose not everything, to be as proactive as possible. But there are things I could be doing. Such as finishing my advance directive. That is a difficult thing to do, however. I still have to ask Mama Deb and Mama Mary if they are willing to be my agents. I also need to pray about it. Having Mitochondrial Disease isn't something I can do by myself. I need God's help to go through this. Not to mention the support of my adopted family, and the birth family that I trust and can count on. There aren't many members of my birth family that fall under that category, unfortunately. As sad as that is, there isn't much I can do about it. All I can say is, I am grateful for the people who are in my life that I can trust.
My step father is coming to my apartment tomorrow. I'm not sure how I feel about this right now. All I can say is that I don't trust him. There have been a lot of things that have been happening with him that I really do not approve of. Many of them make me upset. There isn't anything I can do about that, either, except pray about the situation. It's a very complicated and difficult situation, there are many issues surrounding the situation and I really don't know how to approach everything.
My heart is struggling. I hurt so much, in so many ways. Physically, emotionally, mentally, even spiritually a little bit. Please again if anyone reads this, pray for me. I'm having a difficult time. Thanks in advance.
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