But for the most part I'm doing as well as can be expected. With the exception of all of the medical issues I have been having more and more as time goes by. The hydrocortisone is continuing to make me bruise more easily than normal and also making me feel "puffy". It's very frustrating to me because I know that it is helping me sleep a little, but as far as the pain, nausea, and fatigue nothing is better. Getting more sleep is helping me a very small amount but it's not enough. I've come to the conclusion that I really need to be upfront and honest with Dr. P on Monday and let him know I'm fed up. The biggest thing is, I can't get off of hydrocortisone cold turkey, and I want to figure out whether or not I should continue to take it. It may mean that Dr. P has to adjust the doses, but I really don't want to take this medication unless I absolutely have to. Not to mention I feel like I'm gaining a lot of weight. It's not a good feeling. Honestly I was OK with my weight where it was before we even started the hydrocortisone, and I feel like it's more trouble than it's worth. So, I'm going to try to talk with Dr. P very seriously about this whole thing. The biggest concern is that I feel like nothing is going to change this whole situation. The pain, nausea, and fatigue are taking a great deal of quality away from my life. But, I guess I should be able to deal with things more easily. I'm not the best at cutting myself any type of slack when it comes to advocating for myself, nor am I sure about what I really truly need at this time.
The move is just over two weeks away. I'm doing my best to prepare myself for his by packing and getting things in my room organized as well as humanly possible. It's difficult though, because I don't want to pack
everything away...and I don't want to pack away anything that I am actually going to need before I move. My landlord told me I can move things little by little which is a huge blessing, because that will make unpacking and moving things a little less overwhelming. If I have everything but the really big stuff moved to the apartment and put away, it will make moving day easier. When I move I'm the type of person that simply can't stand to live out of boxes and live in an unorganized mess. I want to have most of the stuff here in town moved before the beginning of next week and I want to move some of my other stuff from my former hometown that is in my step-dad's garage.
I'm so overwhelmed by all of the changes, chaos, and stuff that entails my life. My boyfriend makes me so happy in many ways and I'm trying to figure out where exactly I go from here. I love him more than almost anyone in this world, he means a great deal to me and we have a very special and powerful relationship. It's not without its faults or issues, but I would never give up on our relationship unless I knew for sure it wouldn't work. Barry is imperfect in many ways, but in other more important ways he is perfect for me. He has helped me through a lot in the past six years, but at times in that time period he has been very distant as well. We have to really work hard at our relationship but it is so worth it. See, nothing worth having isn't worth working/fighting for. Yes, Barry and I will have to work hard at our relationship every day for the rest of our lives, but we are willing to do this because we know that our love is worth much more than the struggles. I need to be in prayer about this situation. We live an hour away from each other so that complicates things further. In addition, I'm in college working diligently to get a degree I've dreamed about since I was quite young. Barry doesn't exactly know what he wants to do for a career yet. He knows he wants to do something with computers, but at this point life is enough without adding school to the mix. I think I do know that before I have my degree he will begin working on his, and I have a feeling we will both be done with our degrees at around the same time. He will likely work for an associate's degree and I will be working for a bachelor's degree. My grandparents are going to be very upset if/when they hear that Barry and I are back together. They really never liked him to begin with because of his social awkwardness and also because of the issues he has in general with being around people. I don't really care too much that they feel that way...I care that they don't like him, but I don't care enough to let them stop me. Whether or not they approve is irrelevant. In fact, my great grandfather never really approved of my Grandpa, who is a very wonderful man. It just goes to show you that there are a lot of people who struggle to have their family accept their life partner. Truth be told, after being with Barry for about six years, being with anyone else would feel foreign and wrong. I just don't know exactly how everything is going to go yet. There is a part of me who is still very cautious about this whole situation. Yes, it's another thing I need to be in prayer about. Life is incredibly difficult to understand lately but I have a feeling pretty soon I will be able to figure something out. Not sure exactly what that means or what I will have figured out, but there you go.
Well I don't have much else to say. I need to take a shower and get to bed. Tomorrow is another busy day. Work, again. Ha
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