Everything. I don't want to call and make that appointment with Dr. P. I don't want to tell him all of the things that I know I have to. The pain is at an all-time high and getting to be almost more than constant. Not unbearable, I suppose, but I really need to get a plan in place. If I keep going this way, I feel like a major crash is in my imminent future. No, I don't want to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I need to be realistic. This disease is taking an incredible amount of quality from my life. It's so frustrating.
On top of everything else, I can not sleep. Literally. I have not taken any of my sleeping medications, because I ended up going out of town to do a few things and then watching my friend's daughter Tayvada. More often than not I am so incredibly exhausted by bed time that I need to get to bed asap. That is not the case tonight. Obviously, I'm thinking what I need to do is wait until my friend gets back from her party and then head back home. At that point, I plan on passing out and going to bed until I need to be ready for work. My hope and prayer is that I will be able to sleep as well as humanly possible before I must face a full evening of work. Eight hours. Maybe eight and a half if I don't get my supper break (which I usually don't)
At this point, I don't have many more coherent thoughts to post. I wish I did.
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