Wow, I've been silent for a while.

I wrote this post quite a while ago but never was able to publish it...enjoy.

It's hard to believe it's been nearly four months since the day I graduated from my LPN training. That night was the night I was called and informed that my Grandma May did not have much time left. A fact of which I was already painfully aware. No matter how much you try to prepare yourself for the inevitable, it is still like a punch in the gut when it happens. I often think about how much I didn't do. How I could have been more insistent with the doctors that were caring for her, making sure they did everything they could for her. She may have had more time. But then, she may not have. Going over these things in my mind incessantly is not a good thing to do, but it is part of the grieving process. It's only been four months, not even. Adding to that is the fact that we had just lost Grandpa Bob 6 weeks and a day prior to that. Something no one really had time to prepare for. He was just there one moment and gone the next. Granted, we knew it was going to happen, but we had no idea it would happen that quickly. Looking back, I find comfort in the fact that I was there.

Again, I must reiterate the fact that caring for my great grandparents was one of the biggest honors I have ever received. Being by their side during the last years of their life brings me comfort and peace, knowing that unlike some in my family, I was there nearly every day.

I saw what Alzheimer's did to my Grandma, each and every day. I went through a period of intense grief, watching the person I had known my entire life vanish before my eyes. I saw her become less and less of herself. However, eventually I had to accept the diagnosis for what it was, the reality for what it was, and dearly loved the sweet and precious little lady she became. Some aspects of her personality were still there. She was still incredibly motherly, nurturing and sweet. Her sense of humor was still intact. I remember my Grandma Linda's cousin Monica saying, "If women were wine, Aunt May would have been champagne." Thinking back, that is so true. Grandma May had a bubbly personality and was the happiest person I ever knew. She was very much one of my best friends and I miss her dearly. I know that I will see her again someday but the hurt of losing her sometimes, and my Grandpa breaks my heart. I remember the days they left us vividly. I treasure all of the memories I have with them and smile when I think of them most of the time.

May the rest peacefully in the comfort of the arms of our Loving God.