I have been replaced.

Many times in my life, I have felt replaced.

Only this time, it's my step dad.

My mother already replaced me. Now he's doing it.

I have no parents, with the exception of my adopted ones.

Since I was seventeen I've essentially been on my own.

They'd say that I'm exaggerating, that they were great parents.

They're lying.

I didn't ask for much. Just to be taken care of. I don't think that's too much..

It must have been.

I realize that they did the best they could with what the had, believe me.

But their best just wasn't good enough.

There are days where I just wish I could let everything out.

I also know that if I did, they would likely be out of my life. And so would most of my bio family.

At this point, I'm not sure I really care that much.

I can't keep up this illusion.

I'm tired of pretending that everything is OK when nothing is OK.

What's really sad is when you can't even be yourself around your family.

And when you have to adopt family to fill the void in your life and in your heart.

I realize that I have to get this Advanced Directive written and signed.

Someday I will likely have a crisis that leaves me unable to care for myself.

I don't want them involved.

Call me crazy, say I have a chip on my shoulder. I truly don't care.

I don't care what people think about me.

I've said it before and I will say it again.

If you haven't walked in my shoes, if you haven't been me, don't act like you know my life.

I know I sound pissy. But it's because I'm pissed off and fed up.

I want to just be myself. I don't want to have to pretend for anyone. It's not me.

My disease takes more from me every day. With each crisis, especially I lose more.

I wonder how much more I will lose before it's enough to get them to see what's happening.

I thought the seizures would get them to wake up.

I guess not.

Oh well. I have my adopted parents, and they support me always. I have created for myself a loving family.

It includes my residents, my adopted parents, and my adopted brothers and sisters. I am blessed.

My disease causes me to love deeply and appreciate people more fully.

When I come across people who are not trustworthy or worth my time, I have to let go.

No matter how much it hurts.

I can't set myself up to be hurt again.

All I can do right now is pray. And appreciate what I have in life.

Despite the fact that I have Mito, my family is dysfunctional, I have a lot to be thankful for.

God is good, and He provides for us, especially when we need it the most.

I just need to hang onto that, and trust Him to lead me in what is right.