I have to admit...

I'm not ready to have to say goodbye to summer. I feel like I've essentially done nothing with my summer. Granted, yes, I have had numerous energy crises and other problems with my health this summer and many months prior to that. But honestly, I haven't gone swimming in any of the five lakes that are in my hometown. I haven't gone on any road trips this summer either. All of the things that I should be doing this summer I am not able to do, at least for the most part. I'm crossing my fingers that tomorrow's road trip with my friend Brittany to see my grandparents will work out and I won't have any health crises. I suppose the good thing is that if I do have a health crisis I would be very close to Mayo. Anyway, I am not going to jinx this. There are so many things on my mind right now and the last thing I want to do is become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Each day I feel like I'm losing more of myself and I wonder sometimes how I'm ever going to be able to get "me" back.

And, before I mention anything else that makes me feel even crappier about my life, I have to say I wanted to form a team for the Energy for Life Walk, but of course I'm supposed to work that weekend and I obviously can't get the time off for that. I can't even work toward a cure for my own disease! Sure, I'm going to support other people that are participating in the walk but I still feel like I'm not doing enough. And on top of it all, this new baseline means less energy to devote to this or anything else I want to do. I'm struggling with my negativity. I'm not normally like this. Really. It just seems to be a part of a new normal. And I don't like it.