I have a dream....

And no. I'm not writing about Martin Luther King Jr's groundbreaking speech. I'm talking about a dream that I really have. A dream that's important to me. A dream that means more to me than I can explain. Part of the reason this is weighing so heavily on my heart is the recent events with my health and my life. It all started yesterday.

I saw my beautiful niece Hailee, who will be turning one on the 20th of this month. She is usually very bashful around people she's not around very often. I went to get her up from her nap and thought she would flip out when I went to get her, but she held her arms right out to me, wanting me to pick her up. What's more, I thought she'd want to go right to her mama when we got out of her bedroom, but she snuggled right up to me, put her head on my shoulder, and fell asleep. I was in heaven. But it also almost made me break down and cry. I want so much to be a mother and I'm afraid I won't be able to. I'm afraid my illness will take away my ability to have my own children, naturally. I have to pray about this. I've had a dream about having a daughter with Mito and now all I can think about is whether or not I will be able to have children. Truth is, I may have to live with the guilt of knowing that I brought a disabled/sick child into the world knowing I could do so. But, I might not have a child with Mito. There is a chance. It's all in God's hands. I really do have to pray about this.