I'm very overwhelmed at the moment.
I've been in intense pain tonight, in addition to having some pretty intense fatigue. Not sure if this is leading up to an energy crash. I seriously hope not. So, what I think I'm going to do is make sure I try to get to bed earlier than usual tonight. I have church in the morning and I am seriously hoping I will be OK and not have to worry about crashing anytime soon. That's the problem, I am very uncertain about whether or not an energy crash will actually occur. On days when I have intense pain and fatigue it seems that an energy crash is going to happen whether I like it or not.
My illness makes me see things in a very different perspective than most young adults. I try not to get caught up in self-pity or wondering what is going to happen. That's easier said than done. I want so much to have the life I have dreamed of and sometimes I feel like it might not happen.
It's times like these I know I need to look to God for my answers and my strength. Easier said than done, yet again. I have yet to be able to pray the Rosary on my own since Papa died. I don't know why I can't pray the Rosary on my own. Maybe it's my mind playing tricks on me. I don't know. It's frustrating. The Rosary has brought me so much strength and I know it's part of what I need to help my heart heal. Unfortunately, I know a part of me is always going to hurt for the losses I have endured in my life. I am aware of this and as "OK" with it as I can be. I miss all of the people I have lost to this earthly life. They, however, are in Paradise. I don't mourn for them, but for what I have lost. They are happy and whole. I am left here on earth to do the Lord's work. I'm here for the purposes he put me here for in the first place. In the mayhem of daily life, it's easy to forget this.
I am waiting a little until Monday when I can finally get my prescription refilled. Hopefully then I will be able to get some real sleep. That would be wonderful.
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