However, with my own health issues and school, I do not even feel like I have had sufficient time to grieve the loss of my Grandpa. Not only that, but the anniversaries of my Great grandma and grandpa Schock's deaths are nearing too.
I'm hoping life will start to stabilize once school is over. I'm not ignorantly thinking that life is going to be piece of cake for me when I'm done. However, I have been in school for five years since graduating High School and am becoming incredibly burned out. I have not been able to finish my case studies, which is unfortunate but I am also trying to make sure I stay on top of all of my school work, not just the clinical papers. The next few weeks are going to be an absolute zoo. I need to finish quite a few papers and work on getting my grades up so that I can relax a little easier when it comes to finals. Up until these hospitalizations I was doing really well on school work, but since the hospitalizations I have found it more and more difficult to catch up on my old work and keeping up with my current work. To say that I am ready to be done with school is an understatement. It will be nice to have a life that is not defined by homework, reading textbooks, and numerous tests, case studies and quizzes.
Nursing school: You think you're going insane during the entire time. And the sad part is, sometimes it's not far from the truth. It tries your patience, it takes your energy, your sleep. The friends you make in nursing will be your friends for the rest of your life, and some of your closest friends at that. Sometimes you feel like you completely lack drive and ambition and are going through the motions.
And yet.
I could not imagine doing anything with my life besides being a nurse. I truly love all of the residents I care for. They bring me such joy and love. The people I work with are my family, residents and co-workers included. My co-workers (three who come to mind right away) take excellent care of me and are there for me when I need them. I also am there for them even though at times it really seems to me like I don't do as much for them as they say I do. We celebrate our birthdays together, we take care of each other. They have been there with me through some of the most difficult times in my life. I am eternally grateful for the blessings that they are to me. I watch the work that they do, the way they care for our residents, and the way they take care of each other (not just me!) and am truly in awe. Good Sam is not just a "nursing home" it is a place that we strive to make a home for the residents in our care. And I have a firm belief that we do a pretty good job of it. We take pride in our work and love what we do. I am a firm believer that you should not work in long term care if you don't love the elderly and want to be there. It is incredibly evident when people do not want to do the work that is required in long term care. Your heart has to be in the work you do in order for it to be effective. Which is why I think my work family simply can't be beat, they do a great job every day!
On the health front, things have been somewhat stable. I say somewhat because while I can detect disease progression, I have not landed in the Emergency Room lately. (Somebody please knock on wood...) I've been trying to make sure I am eating more frequently and smaller amounts in order to maintain stable blood sugars. The fact that I have not had a major seizure event for a few weeks is promising (AGAIN SOMEONE PLEASE KNOCK ON WOOD!!!) I do NOT want to have another seizure event for quite some time if I can help it. I have had low hemoglobin levels, which means the oxygen is not getting to my cells like it's supposed to. To me, this indicates that my cells are having more problems with energy production. So Dr. Kline put me on Iron to see if that would help a little.
My upcoming appointment with the osteopath (another type of doctor besides an MD) is really starting to make me nervous. I'm praying that I hear something other than "we don't know what to do," or "it's all in your head." Etc. It's difficult to say if that will actually happen, but my primary doctor really seems to think a lot of this doctor and he also said that he'd talked to him and said that he was very interested in Mitochondrial disorders. So let's hope that this is a step in the right direction. I'm not looking for a cure, but more function and symptom relief is something I need. I'm 23 years old and I'm not letting this disease take the wheel in my life. There are many other things that I want to experience and focus on. I am praying desperately for answers and relief.
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