Brett and I are still together, but we have decided to put the engagement and the wedding on hold for awhile. It was not an easy decision to come to, and some very difficult things happened to get to this point. Part of the problem is that Brett is having some difficulty dealing with the fact that I'm dealing with Mito and no matter how much he may love me, he can't take it away from me. He's afraid of losing me, and I understand that. I know as well as anyone how difficult it is to live with this stupid disease. There is so much of me that wishes I could just wish it away and wake up tomorrow and have it not be my reality. But there is no way that I can do that, much as I may want to. I have told Brett, and countless others, that I could lie here in my bed, waiting to die. But that isn't living. Living in fear, also, is not living. I refuse to let these circumstances get me down. At least for the most part. Sometimes it does happen, and that's because I am only human. But the point is, I snap myself out of it and pick myself back up, dust myself off, and get up coming back for more.
School is very stressful right now. I am a little over a month from graduation. I can not believe I am even typing that. Obviously it is not the end of my college education, but it is definitely a significant step forward. Before that can happen, I need to pass my finals and boards also. I have faith that I can do that. There are many, many difficult things going on in my life right now and I don't know what to do about all of them. I'm trying to just roll with the punches right now and just deal with everything as it comes. Right now, that's all I can do.
A couple of days ago I started feeling a little "under the weather" with a sore throat and a headache. I could not figure out if the headache was normal for me or if it was something else. However, the sore throat did not go away after a few days and I was feeling worse. So, this morning I took matters into my own hands and went in. They have finally come to their senses and realized that because of my autonomic dysfunction I should not take Zythromax. They put me on an antibiotic for ten days because it looks like I have a sinus infection in addition to the beginnings of yet another lung infection. Amazingly enough, I have managed to remain afebrile (without fever) throughout all of this but people do not always run fevers with sinus infections. Hopefully this antibiotic will take care of this pretty quickly. I don't have much time before I graduate with my LPN, which I am really looking forward to. I am also looking forward to summer, finally.
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